We’re into the second trimester, and so far all is going
well. I’ve really enjoyed having J &
A being a little closer and the connection that brings to the journey, and how
much more involved they are. They gave a
set of Belly Buds, little speakers that stick to your belly to amplify the
sound for baby to listen to. With them
comes an app, Voice Share, that allows people to record messages and share with
friends. J & A have recorded
messages, stories, and a Word of the Day in Spanish. Sunshine gets excited when I turn on the
stories and she starts kicking around.
Then when I switch to the WOTD playlist, she settles down. I haven’t determined yet if she is focused
and paying attention to her lessons, or if she’s uninterested and goes to
sleep. Aside from during her Spanish class, Sunshine Belle Star never stops moving. She is constantly twisting and turning and kicking and stretching. Early on her movements were gentle, but I could feel her turning around. Lately, though, she's getting much stronger, with an occasional kick and frequent stretching that pushes on both sides. This is the sixth little one to be housed in my uterus, and she is by far the most active. My Eleanor is a close second, but no other compares.
J & A have been able to FaceTime into most of the
doctor’s appointments, as boring as those may be. Especially with a fifth pregnancy, those
appointments go pretty quick. Weight
check (at 27 weeks I’m now up six pounds); five minutes of questioning about
how it’s going—Headaches? Nausea? Heartburn? Constipation?; measure the belly
(about three weeks ahead right now, but my uterus is stretched and I imagine
I’d measure six weeks pregnant even if I wasn’t); heartbeat; and done. I can’t count how many prenatal appointments
I’ve been to and hearing that heartbeat never loses its amazement. That thump-thump-thump always fascinates me
and brings me the biggest smile.
In addition to our routine appointments, we had the anatomy
ultrasound. J & A drove up from San
Francisco to come, and to spend a couple days with my family and me. We planned a grown-up dinner with us and some
friends the first night they arrived.
Then the next day, we treated them to some classic Klamath Falls
entertainment—hunting for morel mushrooms up in the forest. Because nothing welcomes your guests like
making them forage for their own food.
We spent the afternoon walking around the woods and having a hot dog
picnic with them and my family. That
night they came over for dinner and we served the mushrooms we found, along
with the trout my husband caught the day before. Later
that night, while getting my kids ready for bed, we read The Kangaroo Pouch—the
quintessential “how do I explain surrogacy to my young child” book—which I then
gave to J & A. That book helped me
explain surrogacy to my kids and them to understand what we were doing and why. Hopefully now it will help Sunshine Belle
Star understand the amazing and loving way she came to be. At dinner the next night, my daughters were
devastated that J & A weren’t there.
But you said they would be here for three days!! Yes, and they were—they
just didn’t spend all three days with you.
Having my kids make that connection with J & A makes this journey
that much more valuable. It helps them
to process that we’re not just giving away a baby, but that we’re helping our
friends to become fathers. My youngest
especially wants a little brother or sister, so the idea of Sunshine Belle Star
living somewhere else when she comes sometimes hurts a little. However, she is easily diverted by being told
that she’ll be able to visit and babysit now and again. I mean, that’s all she really wants out of a
little sibling anyway.
On Monday, we drove over to Medford for the anatomy
ultrasound. First off, when did they
change the rules about having a full bladder?
Seven previous ultrasounds and every single time I was told to have a
full bladder. They did the first part of
the scan, let me get up to go to the bathroom, then did the rest. This time, however, as soon as she started
the scan, she commented on how my full bladder was interfering with seeing what
she needed to see and had me go to the bathroom. Granted, no one gave me the instructions I’ve
had at every single other ultrasound—empty your bladder one hour before the
appointment then drink 32oz of water—but how can they just change the rules
without letting me know?
It was no surprise to me that Sunshine Belle Star was
completely disobliging throughout the entire ultrasound. She’s been a bit of a pill for most of the
pregnancy. Just recently she started
moving and kicking hard enough to see from outside. I’ll watch a few kicks and belly shakes, then
grab my phone to get video for J & A.
And then…she stops. Apparently
she has stage fright. Sunshine spent
most of the time during the ultrasound in the fetal position, with her tiny little
hands covering her face, only moving long enough to kick and punch at the pressure
of the wand. She made it difficult to
get the required views and measurements.
But more frustrating, she made it difficult to get any good pictures, 2
or 3-D. Of course, this is just the
first of many experiences for J & A of their child not cooperating or abiding
by the prescribed rules. Get used to it,
suckers.
Good news is that ultrasound showed Sunshine Belle Star with
perfect anatomy and growing at just the right rate. She has a relatively small head, long legs
and arms, and a perfectly average belly.
Bad news is that my placenta is lying low and partially covering my
cervix. In 95% of cases, the placenta
will gradually move up through the pregnancy and will cause no
complications. However, if it doesn’t
move to at least 2cm away from the cervix by our follow up ultrasound at 32
weeks, we will likely have to schedule a c-section. The problem is that if the placenta is
blocking the cervix, it blocks the baby’s exit, which can lead to placenta
abruption, causing significant damage to either, or both, baby and me. I’m confident that by our next visit,
everything will be fine and we’ll be good to go for a VBAC. However, with all the time and effort and
money put into this pregnancy (not to undermine any other pregnancy), I am not
stubborn and should there be any reservations at all about my or baby’s health
and safety, c-section it will be.
Thus far, my pregnancy and this journey have been
fantastic. But, with any pregnancy,
there are….things. Most people have a
general understanding of the difficulties one experiences when pregnant—fatigue,
swollen feet, nausea, stretch marks. But
there is a long list of secret ailments that for some reason mainstream
conversation has decided to ignore.
1.
Heartburn.
Okay, this might be one that most people know about. But holy crap, I never knew my throat could
be on fire and I’d live to tell about it.
Late in my very first pregnancy, I was complaining to my husband—my throat
is burning, I told him. It’s like it’s
on fire. Oh, that’s heartburn, he said.
No, no, my heart is fine; I don’t have any pain in my chest. It’s in my throat. Yeah,
that’s heartburn, he said, like I was some sort of idiot for never in my
life having experienced this before. I’m
grateful that when I’m not pregnant, I never have heartburn. Because I don’t know how a person can deal
with this for longer than four months.
And please don’t tell me to drink diluted apple cider vinegar. I have, and guess what—it gave me heartburn.
2.
Stomach obstruction. One of the greatest gifts of pregnancy is the
Belly Shelf. No need for a coffee table
when you have a close-up belly shelf to hold your cereal, ice cream, and other
midnight snacks. However, when not being
used to shorten the distance from the bowl to the mouth, a pregnant stomach is
basically in the way of doing anything productive.
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| The Belly Shelf, best used with ice cream |
Things pregnant bellies hinder:
a.
Reaching the counter to wash dishes or cut
vegetables
b.
Opening doors
c.
Tying shoes
d.
Polishing toenails
e.
Landscaping bikini areas
f.
Various previously enjoyable sexual positions
There’s about to be a bruise on my belly from
all the door hits. Luckily it’s summer
and I have lots of flip flops. Next time
I’ll add in monthly pedicures and waxes after 20 weeks, but for now, I’m
thankful for that monthly miscellaneous stipend to cover the increased cost of
not looking like a dirty hippie. Because
this is pregnancy number five for me, my husband and I have figured out what
works and what doesn’t. But I have to
admit, there are times when the romance is lost because of the effort it takes
me to switch positions, the awkward groaning that usually accompanies my
movements, and my husband’s constantly asking
Are you okay?? Did I hurt you? Should we stop? If I’m in the mood and the kids are occupied
or asleep there is NO STOPPING!
3.
Puffy vulva.
Yeah, you read that right—puffy vulva.
The increased blood flow can lead to the vulva feeling full and
heavy. Of course, thanks to #2, I can’t
see it to know if it looks any different.
But the sensation I can say is different. Some women feel increased pleasure because of
the swelling. Hooray for them! Some women just need to up the amount of
coconut oil to make anything work. Sex
while pregnant has enough complications of its own (again see #2), this just
adds to the mix.
4.
Bacne.
 |
| I'll spare you the picture of my chest zits. |
Generally, people understand that because of the changes in hormones,
increased acne is likely during pregnancy.
What is failed to be explained is that it’s not just your face. This pregnancy, for the first time ever, my
body broke out. First, it was on my
chest. Because I work at a high school,
most of my shirts are fairly high-cut and the only person who had to be exposed
to this horrific sight was my husband.
Next, my back broke out. From the
back, I looked like a 13-year-old boy.
Disgusting. Not only did this
look gross, it was so dry and itchy. Of
course my constant scratching and picking only irritated it more. Eventually my chest and back began to clear
up and I thought I might return to the normalcy of just the occasional one or
two back zits along the bra line.
Instead, I broke out under my boobs.
Now we’ve already established that I have an issue with itching that
tends to prolong these situations. Add
to this one, no way in hell am I not wearing a bra and two, it’s sweltering hot
around here thus boob sweat abounds and there is no way to stop this
irritation. So now I’ll have three types
of scars to commemorate my pregnancies: stretch marks, c-section scar, and zit
scars on my back and boobs. Nice.
 |
| 24 Weeks |
The other day, after texting my IFs about my nasty zit
boobs, I realized how much of a complainer I sound like. And I do complain—even the best pregnancy has
its annoyances. But for the most part,
when I tell them about how I’m feeling, I’m more commenting than I am
complaining. These things are just part
of pregnancy. There’s a requirement that
surrogates have had at least one successful pregnancy in the past, so it’s not
like these things are a surprise to us—although of course every pregnancy is
different and some are easier than others.
I knew what I was getting into when I started this, and overall, the
great things about pregnancy overshadow the bad—the feeling of baby kicking
inside, unlimited guilt-free ice cream, sexy pregnant body, and of course, the
outcome of a sweet baby girl for J & A.
So while I might be lamenting about these annoyances, that’s all they
really are, and hopefully that’s all there is for the remainder of the
pregnancy.
