Now that contracts are signed, I am able to move onto the
medical aspect of the surrogacy. This
consists of a few steps, all leading up to the embryo transfer. The first step in all of this is medical
clearance from my OB. Woah, wait a
second, right? It’s always seemed a
little odd to me that this part was done after all the matching and contracts
and everything else. I mean, what if my
doctor didn’t approve me for a surrogacy?!?
The fact is, however, if your medical records have been cleared by an RE,
it’s highly unlikely that an OB would not find you fit for a surrogacy. I think this is especially true in working
with Oregon Reproductive Medicine, who from what understand in my conversations
with other surrogates, has some of the highest standards for acceptance in the
nation.
I scheduled my appointment for my medical clearance before
contracts were signed, but the actual appointment wasn’t until after. That appointment consists of a physical exam,
pap smear (regardless of if you are due, unless the last one was within a
year), and a ridiculous amount of labs—I left a urine sample and TEN vials of
blood. My doctor signed off on the form from ORM stating that she recommended
me as a surrogate and I was on my way. Then, as any RE will tell you always
happens, the lab missed one of the orders and I had to go back for another
blood draw. Additionally, my husband had
to have lab work done to ensure he does not have any transferable diseases. He’s had this done throughout our marriage
when he was in the military, and then just two years ago before we started our
first journey. So if any of those come
back positive this time around he’s in a lot more trouble than just impacting
this surrogacy.
In the meantime, I got back on the birth control pill—BCP. I’ve always joked that the way BCP works with
me is that it kills any sliver of libido I might have, and makes me such a
cranky bitch that even if I were in the mood, chances are my husband wouldn’t
be talking to me at that moment anyway.
No sex equals no babies, so it’s really very effective. Considering that it won’t be too long before
my husband and I are legally prohibited from having sex, I’d like to take
advantage of it while we can, so this is especially annoying right now for
everyone involved.
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| Prenatal Vitamin, Magnesium, Fish Oil, and Vitamin D help offset BCP |
The benefit this time around, however, that I know why I’m crazy. When I recognize myself becoming more easily irritable, or yelling at the kids more, or feeling a little depressed, I remind myself that it’s not really me, it’s the pill. I take a break from whatever I’m doing, take a little time to myself to recompose, and usually that brings me back down to earth. I’ve also figured out some supplements that help offset the BCP, if even just a little. Prenatal vitamin, fish oil, magnesium, and vitamin D help keep me legally sane and prevent my family from up and leaving me.
In addition to impacting my attitude, the fluctuating hormones cause me to break out once a month, zits strewn across my face like a red-hot constellation. Which one is your favorite? Personally I like the Rudolph zit, an inactive volcano mound pushing up but never quite exploding. At least the eyebrow zit can be covered up by wearing my glasses instead of contacts. An investment in good concealer is a must when I’m on the pill. Without it, I look like this:
The next step in my process was a uterine evaluation. Because I’ve already had some of these processes done before, I only needed the SIS portion of this. In other evaluations, they look at the shape and dimensions of your uterus, but it’s not like your uterus changes shape over the course of a couple years, so once that’s done it’s done. In the SIS—saline infusion sonohysterography—ultrasound, a small amount of saline is inserted via a catheter through the cervix and into the uterus. This allows the ultrasound to better show the uterine lining in order to see if there is any thickening, scar tissue, or polyps—all of which would negatively impact an embryo transfer.
I’ve been through enough ultrasounds to know when things are
going well and when the technician is going back and forth over the same area
trying to see what and where the problem is.
She pointed out that she saw a small spot and was trying to get the
right pictures to be able to determine exactly what and how big it was. I have quite a few friends who have had
polyps and other concerns after this ultrasound, so it wasn’t too surprising
that this might happen, but even so it’s not something I was anticipating. My first thought of paranoia was Oh God,
Please Don’t Be a Baby! Panic stricken,
my brain started racing: I just had my period.
We had sex last night. I’m on the
pill. Did I take the pill this morning? Did I take it yesterday? Didn’t we have sex one other day? That doesn’t look like a baby. I don’t see a
sac. Could it be a baby? Can you get pregnant the day after your
period ends? That is not a baby! WHAT THE HELL IS IT!?!
I am unreasonably freaked out that in the time leading up to
prescribed time of abstinence I will become pregnant with my own child. This would by far be the worst thing that
could possibly happen at this point in my life.
Even if I wasn’t in the process of being a surrogate, it would an
unpleasant surprise and one which in all honestly I don’t know how we would
move forward. But when you’re preparing
to get pregnant with someone else’s baby, accidently getting pregnant with your
own is unthinkable. We take all the
necessary precautions, but the only sure way to not get pregnant is to not have
sex, and so far that hasn’t been 100%--contrary to what my husband might
exaggerate it to be.
The doctor looked over the images and determined it was a
bit of scar tissue, although there is a possibility it could also be a polyp. This will have to be removed through a
process called Hysteroscopy. In this
process, a hysteroscope—a small camera—is inserted into the uterus via a
catheter through the cervix, and the unwanted tissue is scraped off. Often, a
small balloon is inserted into the uterus to prevent the tissue from
reforming. If it’s a polyp, a biopsy may
be done on it. From what I have read and
from talking with friends who have similar procedures, it’s not really that big
of a deal, although the picture might lead you to believe differently. It’s mildly painful—anytime you’re sticking
something into the cervix it’s going to be uncomfortable—but it’s an outpatient
procedure and not one that requires a lot of recovery, aside from some spotting
and minimum two weeks abstinence.
Although I’m not particularly excited about having to have
this done (a camera in my vagina? Seriously?), the real problem with this is
not the procedure itself. The problem is
that it adds time to the process. It
adds money to the process. It adds
stress and worry to the process. Time,
money, stress. These are all things that
as a surrogate I want to keep to a minimum.
Not for me, but for my IFs. Having
this procedure isn’t a big deal for me.
Another trip up to Portland for an additional SIS ultrasound isn’t a
problem for me. It’s just that it’s a
burden for J & A and adds at least an additional month to the process. Every bump in the road, I take
personally. Every problem along the way,
I feel responsible for. Yes, in my brain
I understand that this is not my fault.
I had a C-section with my last surrogacy, which perhaps resulted in scar
tissue in my uterine lining. Polyps form
through no misconduct of mine. It is due
to nothing that I did—wrong or otherwise.
It just is. But I feel
awful. Actually, awful doesn’t even
suffice. I hate that I’m responsible for
adding to how difficult this process already can be. I’m hopeful that I’ll have the procedure and
it will be resolved within my next cycle and it won’t end up being an issue at
all. I understand that it could go
otherwise, but am trying not to focus too much on the “what ifs”.
I’m thankful that my IFs are relaxed and do not—at least openly—seem
to be upset by all this. In their minds,
this is a long a challenging process, one that is bound to have some roadblocks
along the way. They’ve comforted me with
all the BS clichés that ‘It will all work out’ and ‘If it’s meant to be it will
be’ and that ‘Everything that’s worth having is worth the trouble to get it’. I understand all that, and am well versed at
supporting my fellow surrogates with such phrases whenever something like this
happens in their journeys. But like
everything in life, it’s different when it’s actually you. Were the roadblocks coming from someone else,
I would be completely relaxed and unworried about it, adopting the ‘Don’t stress
about things outside your control philosophy’.
Unfortunately, instead I’m coming off like a stressed-out
high-maintenance surrozilla. But I
promise I’m not! I just want my IPs to have
the best possible journey, and hopefully after this they will.
