It took some work, but I was finally able to convince my
husband to do a second journey. In
discussing, I really came to understand his perspective of the whole
journey. My husband has always been very
supportive of me and my endeavors, as I have been with him. We don’t always agree with each other, and we
most certainly don’t always understand why the heck the other wants to do
something, but we always manage to compromise and support each other in the
things that mean the most to one another.
Of course compensation is a factor for me as well—I know women who have
done surrogacy for little or no compensation and I believe those women have met
their karma quota for life—but it’s a much bigger factor for my husband than it
is for me. For this second journey, I
had considered reducing the base compensation fee. It’s gone up considerably since I first
signed on as a surrogate, and it is augmented for experienced surrogates as
well. To that proposal, my husband quickly
responded “Hell No!” Although I knew
that my being a surrogate was a stressor for our entire family, I didn’t fully
comprehend the extent until we were discussing a second journey. After some consideration on what it meant to
both of us, we agreed on one more journey.
In February, not quite a month after we met in San
Francisco, I reached out to J & A on Facebook through a personal
message. Considering that I only had
their first names and that they lived in San Francisco, it’s really rather
scary how easy it was to find them. Then
I waited. And waited. And waited.
The thing about Facebook PM is that if you’re not friends with the
person, the message filters into a separate inbox and it’s likely the person
will never ever see it. One week later
and I decided to risk looking like a complete crazy stalker and sent them a
friend request. Much to my relief,
within the hour they accepted my friend request, read my message, and
responded—positively. Phew!!
Then I waited.
A week later I checked in, letting them know I had reached
out to Northwest Surrogacy Center,
the agency I previously used, and asked some questions, mainly about how it
would work if we signed with them already having a match.
Then I waited.
We were FB friends, and I found myself with a slight
obsession on their pages. I think it’s
common for the surrogate-IP relationship to be a little awkward at first,
neither side wanting to come off too strong or too needy or too
high-maintenance. Without the agency
middle-man, this feels even more true. I
swear I’m not crazy, but the more I proclaim that, the more crazy I sound.
A month later, J contacted me and said they’d like to talk
soon. I sent them a list of questions to
think about, along with my perspective on each idea. They were all things an agency would look at
when doing an initial match—number of embryos to transfer, thoughts on
selective reduction, relationship during and after the process, breastfeeding and
nursing, and the publicity of their journey.
We set up a time to talk two weeks later.
Then I waited.
For our initial Skype meeting with the potential match for
my first journey, I was nervous. But
nowhere near as nervous as I was for this FaceTime meeting. In one regard, having met them on my own and
initiating my own match felt so much more personal and connected. On the other hand, that means if things
aren’t what you want, you have to be the one to say so, and there’s no
reassurance—from a team of people analyzing both sides—that you’re right for
each other. After our conversation, I
felt really great about the possibility of us working together. I really like them. They’re laid back and fun, but still
thoughtful and respectful. I could see
how this relationship would be completely different than my first journey, and
not that my first journey wasn’t fantastic, but different in a good way.
Then I waited.
And I waited. The
initial match process is similar to the first couple of dates—each one
assessing the other, trying to show their best side but still trying to
maintain a clear level of honesty and authenticity, neither entirely sure of
what the other thinks and always second guessing how the other really
feels. And much like that other
relationship, I still get a little flurry of butterflies anytime I get a
message from them, and even still from my first IFs. A little over a week after our conversation,
I drafted a message in my Notes. A
clever and witty rhetorical about why I thought we would be a good match and
why I wanted to work with them, but clear enough that if it didn’t work out I
wouldn’t be hurt and wouldn’t show up on their doorstep and boil their pet
bunny. Luckily, they saved me from having to send it and a couple days later I
got a message from them that they’d like to talk.
No comments:
Post a Comment